The lighter side

A short relocation poem about tannins
by T Gaskin

Damian, based in South for sins,
Located now in St ‘Albins’.
He's finding 'tea' the major source
of feeling homesick for the North;
The water yields a heavy slick,
He serves the tea in wedges, thick.

Tetley, Typhoo, Yorkshire Gold,
(He's not very posh if truth be told)
PG, Clipper, 99 brand,
(that's 'Co-op', which the South have banned)
They all just taste of muddy water,
The tea 'don't taste like what it oughta'.
And even cups in cafés, dear,
Where you would hope the water's clear,
They put the milk in on the bag,
with water cool and high price tag.
Despite a search Home County-wide,
He's just not being satisfied.

At night, with bag and mug he roams,
and pines for brews of Northern homes.
So cheer him up, for goodness sake,
Pop in for slice of tea and cake.

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the lighter sideArchive

The Five P.A.s of Christmas - A Christmas Poem for all ‘hard-done-to’ employees. by Damian

On the First day of Christmas
the new boss barked at Fi
"A new cartridge in the HP!"
On the Second day of Christmas
the new boss snapped at Lee
"Two turtle necks!"
and “A new cartridge in the HP!!"

On the Third day of Christmas
The new boss shrieked at Dee
"Three marker pens!"
"Two turtle necks!"
and "A new cartridge in the HP!!!"


On the Fourth day of Christmas
The new boss screamed at Chi
"Four calling clients!"
"Three marker pens!"
"Two turtle necks!"
and "A New cartridge in the HP!!!!"

On the Fifth day of Christmas
The new boss roared at Zee
"Five corrections RINGED" (in red)
"Four calling clients!"
"Three marker pens!"
"Two turtle necks!"
and "A new cartridge in the HP!!!!!"


On the Sixth day of Christmas,
They cornered their MD,
"Stuff your corrections,
Pick up your own phone calls,
Shove your instant markers,
Buy your own wife’s jumpers,
Here’s your new ink cartridge”
And they inserted it in him not the HP.

Merry Christmas x Damian, Lindsey, Steph
(Nb we don’t condone the inappropriate use of computer hardware even against people whom we all know deserve it.)